Week 2 Facebook-Free and Dog-in-water-tank Drama

 This week was my first real full week off Facebook – like last week, I found I had to pop in now n then to do something business or learning related and this week I took a different approach when I had to do this: I took a moment to scroll quickly though notifications to see if anything important was going on because personally, I have never seen wisdom in turning news about your community and world completely off: 

Frigate soars at sunset (fjc)

I know a cadre of guru-wisdom says that you should cut off the outside world and not waste your focus and energy on issues (like Trump, Brexit, Nuclear War, Pearl of the Caribbean) that you can’t control. But this ‘wisdom’ urges us to focus in a very self-absorbed manner, only interacting with the world in ways that directly align with the personal benefits you are channelling. For me, much of my success goals are about creating a life where I feel good, and this of necessity, entails a world where less strife and discord sully my days. I get satisfaction from investing some of my time in doing my little personal actions: they may not, in isolation, be much, but a river becomes powerful if fed by many small tributaries, right?

So, I kept an eye this week and sent private messages to those I felt needed action and left the rest to be responded to on my Sunday Facebook-wallowing session. But I found myself less and less keen to even pop on because I really was reaping the rewards of focusing inwards. Yessiree!

There is a lot to be said for at least an occasional stint as a hermit with a purpose.

But then some other aspects of the week had me looking forward to my Sunday Facebook time: I found myself ‘enjoying’ a real small-island-experience as on top of the horrible heat and humidity, my water tanks ran dry due to weeks without supply from the water company and the repair bill on my 15 year-old car grew rapidly out of control! And to top it off, just as I started to post this, one of my 3 rescue dogs, the oldest and heaviest and stiffest of course, fell into the open underfloor tank! Oh lawdy, lawdy! I am now adorned with very minor scratches on my elbows, shoulders and knees from carrying, pushing, persuading her up the ladder I popped in the tank - ie taking each foot and manipulating it onto progressively higher steps while I tried to squeeze myself up through the rough concrete edges of the opening. Well she was terrified stiff! That is until she got out then she was all wiggly and happy and excited and I was left to 'lick my wounds'! Gotta love'em, right?!? Well, it was my fault really, poor thing, I had left a temporary cover and how was she to know it would give way? So I treated myself to a warm bucket bath, as you do when there's no water in your pipes...

So, back to this morning. Staying true to my schedule, post coffee and breakfast, I dutifully armed myself with a big smoothie and prepared for the soothing mud of Facebook to ease away the week’s stress and strains…

Can I say I found it far from the promised land?

What I think I’m finding is that if you have a couple thousand friends on Facebook, you can’t just dip in once a week and have it work its usual soothing magic! It felt more and more like a disturbance to my vibe than the integral part of my vibe that the daily stop by the ‘Facebook Café’ normally feels like….

hmmmmm….

So as the month of Facebook Sabbatical progresses, we’ll see how this goes. I suspect, like most things, moderation is the key...too much, too little and you're out of whack!

I know some of my other friends have taken Facebook sabbaticals, so I’m going to check in with them and see if they can shed some light on how it worked, didn’t work and felt to them and we’ll share them later on in another blog-post.

Growth and More Insights, or maybe just questions...

What growth and insights has this Facebook sabbatical offered me this week?

Well I finished up the 21^st Century Podcasts and added in a listen to the War of Art by Steven Pressfield of The Legend of Bagger Vance fame. Interesting book … a bit too full of other-worldly-beings for me, but the essential message vibed: We have to overcome the many ways in which we suffer resistance to our calling.

Art for Art's Sake?

However, much else of what he said just set off an internal discussion in my head over the merits of focusing on ‘artistic quality’ vs ‘entrepreneurial art’. This was echoed last weekend, by a friend posting an opinion piece from Ros Barber in the Guardian, where the author was all for the traditional seal of quality of getting a publisher or winning a Pulitzer and the commentors were rooting a bit more for the self-published, no gate-keeper team. 

• To claim success, is the acclamation of peers, or that of paying fans, of more value? Is a life of poverty because you’re being ‘true to your art’ something worthy, or does it miss the mark?
• Does writing, painting, making, need to be art, or is there an inherent and equal value in good craft? 
• Does appealing to the masses, vs the critics or your professional peers, necessarily mean you are ‘dumbing down’ your work? 
• Is it snobbish or true to art to crave recognition by the established ‘authorities’?

Ok, enough esoteric stuff. But do chime in with your thoughts on this 😊 Meanwhile…

Advice

If you’re a trainer, please prepare for the level of learners and ensure you update for any new tools available!!!:

This week I persevered with my Coding Websites course: It was a test of determination, as one day I hit a wall where, try as I might, I could not figure out the scant instructions! I was so annoyed at the course I even looked to see if I could still claim a refund, because it skipped way too fast from a little instruction to ‘you’re all on your own’ and to boot, didn’t have updated guidance that covered the method I was using (which they encouraged us to take advantage of). I did figure it out, with questions and help and research, and YES, it felt fabulous to figure it out…but I was also annoyed because a good course should provide realistic challenges after giving a sound grounding…so I felt an entire day was unnecessarily spent, where it should have been a few hours well-invested.

And in other news...

I fell reeelly reeelly short of my aim to take on that new diet! I succumbed to being a taster for my friend who’s trying to develop an improved recipe for a cake…oh the sacrifices we make!!! 😊 But I did manage to invest some more time in learning about what this particular challenge requires and in testing a recipe or two…nothing yet worth a recipe-post though ☹

In the Real World

Moonrise looking like sunrise courtesy my overly 'smart' camera (fjc)

I had a good few real-world wonderful meet-ups with friends and strangers this week - those are priceless! There were random, serendipitous and downright ‘ok maybe there’s something to the secret after all’ moments this week that did help to balance out those challenges and when I sit here now and reflect, it’s fair to say, I excelled at feeling far happier and more confident about the path I’m taking.

And that, my friends, I think is about the best we can all hope for from one day to the next, isn’t it?

Cheers now! And if I don’t see you today online, maybe I’ll see you on one of my Facebook mini-dips this coming week, or, or, or… in person!!! Now wouldn’t that be grand!

Discrimination in the Workplace and in Life - What's the Cost?

Diversity Mask from Spiva 

Quite a few things have come up in the past few weeks and months that have pulled my attention back, again and again, to subtle and not so subtle examples of discrimination in the workplace and in life.

With all that’s going on in the US - in recent times especially easy to watch because of the internet - the issue of white racism against blacks and Latin against blacks and white against anyone non-white and Trump against anyone with an IQ over 40 … well, it is not hard to see that discrimination is alive, well and kicking serious ass in the US. The UK and many other nations are not so far behind when it comes to the BIG issues of discrimination. 

But that’s not what today’s post is about.  I’d like to take a look at the more insidious, less famous kind…the kind you often don’t notice until a few minutes past it happening…the kind that rarely makes the news but as it leaches possibilities out of our lives, immensely impacts us all.

This kind of discrimination takes many forms – it’s sometimes race based, sometimes accent based, sometimes clothing based, sometimes geographically based, sometimes looks based, sex based, newbie based, age based, faith based, makeup, too many smiles, too few smiles, voice, mannerisms, shoes, hairstyle, car, no car….you name it. Sure, some are more prevalent than others – race, sex, faith, appearance being the biggest I think, but it’s not the tripping factor of discrimination that interests me so much as the fact that it exists and what it does to our lives and our potential.

Why do we so often assume negative things about people? Judging potential not by examining facts, but by an assumption that is based for instance, not on what is being said, but some other characteristic of the speaker? Or even what will be said.

So many people do it – you recognize something that you associate with being an inferior trait – messy hair, darker skin, female, casual clothes…and your mind applies that negative feeling to everything else that person does or says. Think about when you’ve noticed a small shift in posture and an almost imperceptible change in facial expression that comes across a person’s face. How often have you seen that? A subtle, somewhat blank, ‘patient’ expression, or the slightly raised eyebrows, just a little, and widened eyes that seems to say with an almost imperceptible sneer, “Really, you think you are worth my time?”

I’m sure, if you are sensitive to it, you’ve noticed people doing thing. And if you think about it, you may find you also do this now and again…I suspect most of us do. I’d like to say I don’t because I really was brought up to ‘give the benefit of the doubt’ but my parents had their biases and they passed them on to us, as did our teachers, friends, colleagues…so I know I am not free of this shortcoming.

What is going on here really and why? Judging value based on a measure that usually has nothing to do with the ability of the person to contribute.

Yes, in some cases, pre-judgements may be based on the person previously having said or done something that was below par, but why is it that we often then let that flourish and grow while we lose our ability to give benefit of the doubt and perhaps act on an alternate assumption, for instance, that the person does have worthwhile contributions but perhaps is nervous or just finding it hard to articulate?

Think how much you have learnt in life from the mistakes you’ve made (Hopefully!J) …why are we so hard on mistakes other’s make?

“You don't learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.”  Richard Branson

Why is it then, when we look at other people, that we so often default to locking down our ability to hear and to process facts; lock out our faculties of genuine reasoning in favour of our faculties to embrace negative bias?

I have heard so many varied people talk about how society will judge you by the norms, so if you are outside the norms, expect people to judge you for that. But really? Is this the limit of humanity’s mental and empathetic capacity? Is this all we are capable of?

Wasted Potential

Just stop to think of the wasted human potential of people with something to contribute being shut off and cut off based on a trivial prejudice or a minor, or major, previous stumble.

Just stop to think how many times this has happened to you.

Just stop and think how many times you have done this to someone else.

Why do we need this layer of self-protection? What is it that we really are afraid of? Do we actually have anything to lose by embracing people who have different ways or appearances to us? We don’t have to be best friends, but why not entertain that there may be more to gain from actively seeking to assist someone else to show their potential; make their contribution than there is to writing them off because of a trait that most often has nothing to do with the issue at hand?

Prejudices

It isn’t anything about people who are less capable of contributing. It’s about our prejudices and how they limit ourselves and by extension, limit our world. Limit OUR world - not just that of the person we’re being prejudiced against. Think about it for a moment. Think about how often you know your contribution would have made things better if only people could have understood / listened / seen…not pre-judged you.

Think about how often you have let prejudice in when someone is trying to contribute. Why not assume they, like you, may have had something really worthwhile to bring to the table. Think about what you may have lost in that process.

And by ‘prejudices’ I mean all our ‘societal norms’; the many, seemingly innocuous, things we are taught to judge people by that really are imperfect measures at best and downright damaging at worst.

“First impressions count” Yes, indeed they do, but often they are counted so many times over instead of being counted accurately, just once for their true - limited - value.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” We are all taught this wonderful saying, but then we are taught in so many ways, shapes and forms, to ignore this lovely simple core truth and judge cover after cover after cover. Just think what we lose.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” We can’t change how others do things, not directly. But we can change what we do. We can change our habit of judging people by misleading measures; we can choose to listen and hear and to assume value is there to be uncovered and so choose to be an agent of discovery rather than an agent of oppression. Just think what you would prefer in every situation you have been wrongly judged: Do that unto others and see if there is not more than enough to go round if we just stop killing off each other’s potential. See if life does not become better, fuller, and more successful…

Worth a try, isn’t it? What do you think?

 

http://www.freeimages.com/photographer/shiner-49270

I call it as I see it

CIRCLES OR SQUARE ONE?

An interesting question on decision-making popped up on Facebook last week. Stan Bishop, one of my favourite local reporters asked:  “Which is better -- running around in circles or being stuck at square one?”

Well, for me, the answer was easy

Somewhere to go

“I'm going for stuck at square one. You know its square 1 and there are others to get to. Being stuck is only permanent if you let it be. Keep checking for a solution and you'll get one eventually. Circles....well, that's the definition of madness - doing the same thing over n over again”

But reading others’ ideas was interesting and made me realize, yet again, that whatever your problem, how you look at it determines how you find a solution – and nobody can tell us all the ‘right’ way to see things.

Stagnation

Vernita had a completely different take to mine: “The fact of being stuck at square one sounds very stagnant I have hot feet so I will opt for going round in circles. Maybe, just maybe whilst going round in circles I may encounter something or someone that will help change the circumstance.”

Two-for-One

Faye-Chantelle’s comment looked at both options “They are both equally bad to be very frank, however being stuck at square one allows you time to re-evaluate your strategy, while running around in circles takes you absolutely nowhere, but back to the starting point and of course provides good exercise...Personally, I rather the circles, cause it allows for wonderful physical activity while simultaneously offering much needed re-evaluation time... (Strategy-wise)... So in essence it’s 'killing two birds with one stone' and the best of both worlds... in an odd, not so productive kind of way :-)”

I read somewhere that when Buddha advised people to follow the path to enlightenment, he actually didn’t mean, do as he did, except in that you should find your own path, like he did.

Balance of Open and Focus

So, I just tried to write a few ‘take-aways’, (see list below - there are some possibilities in there J ) but really, the main thing is that we can tend to get caught up in just doing things the way we are used to, I call it as I see it…but this can result in our sight being (un)fairly limited. 

There are many ways to get somewhere: Being open to possibilities while focused on finding ways forward is probably the best combination of attitudes to get you going forward. Whether you adopt a meditative run round in circles, (labyrinths come to mind) or you stop for a moment where you are, at square one, (seated meditation?) and open up from there matters much less than being open and trusting that a solution is there.

Be ready to let go your assumptions, try a different approach, sometimes the change in habits is enough to crack the door and let the light in and be able to see something that you didn't know was there before

I call it as I see it...Mermaid

The Cutting-Room Floor clips:

• While “whatever works for you” may be good advice most of the time, there’s bound to come a point where we have to be able to open our minds and look for new ways to do things
• A leader, vs ‘a boss’ – Good leaders help people stay focused but let them use their own methods once they are able to get through to a solution
• People take different approaches and what works for you may not work for another
• Your answers are your answers and mine are mine, and they may or may not coincide.
• Whatever works for you is your right answer/right path

WINNERS!!! Well, I had exactly TWO (2) people take last week's challenge and guess how many emails I'd unsubscribed to in the week - both were nowhere near close - one guessed 15 and the other 527! Well, it was 104 at the time and is now 132 today. So both of you - Don and Jeannette - you'll each get a calendar - send me your physical address to this email: finolaphoto@yahoo.com and it will wing it's way to you...

Laser Focus, the Real ‘Secret’ and Experiences of Success

Distraction is SO, SO easy to find isn’t it?

I had a mini-jolt listening to my current audiobook ‘Unlabel’ on my way home Friday when the author said something about his ADD – can’t remember exactly what, but it fit me – always being distracted by things I want to learn and things I can do. It’s a dangerous place to be if you are self-employed and responsible for creating your own income and even if you just want to live a full life. I think most of us in today’s world have ‘ADD tendencies’ – not the full-blown illness, but enough that our lives are constantly derailed. But I believe this ‘ADD’ is a thing I CAN push aside. I can have laser focus and a life on smooth running tracks. We all can.

So, here comes my start to 2016. I don’t ‘do’ New Year’s resolutions; they usually just give you one more ‘experience of failure’ and let’s face it, most of us have enough of to go round and share with every passing stranger if we wanted to right?

Damn! You see! I just went off and checked something on Facebook because my phone pinged! Ok, ‘focus, focus, focus…’ phone is now on silent. Simple tools, like ‘mute’ buttons, to help you achieve your goals ARE worth using.

So, it’s not quite a New Year’s resolution because I’ve been working up to this all last year, but I have decided that I MUST get back on track with my personal business goals this year. I have been derailed by taking on the M-F day-job which has proven to be a real energy drain as there is never a moment when, in my position, I can say I have completed my work: it’s one of those roles where the pile of things to do is sky-high and messy and there’s no time allowed to sort it out…yuh know?

Happily, we now have a new, very organized and capable Boss who is, using Project Management techniques, gradually, bringing things into a manageable focus – and that has helped immensely! It makes such a difference, and can for you too –simple project management tools really help with many small businesses – especially creative ones and are easily applied to home and personal life; they can really help move you forward to a clear view of the light of day. 

You CAN change your reality and have time pockets popping up regularly available for LIVING!

Over the years, I have read and practiced MANY techniques – starting with ‘The Secret’ and  some ‘Clear your Clutter’ book – can’t remember which one. I subscribed to some blogs etc…and as the internet of how-to’s has grown (of which, yes, I know, ironically I am a part), I have gradually realized that you can really have WAY too much guidance in your life and that the real ‘secret’ is that there’s a reason there’s no film called ‘Think It And They Will Come’ … because it is DOING things, ACTION, Building it, that makes things happen!!!

The Secret in a nutshell: If you think it, you will be it

The REAL secret: if you don’t do it, you can think you ass off and you’ll never be it.

ACTION IS EVERYTHING

I’ve written before about how it pisses me off, the mega-bucks industry of telling people they can bend the ways of the universe by focus and all good things will fall into their lap…I believe VERY strongly in our ability to create a positive energy that helps make things happen - what many people would call the power of prayer, but I believe just as much that without laser focused action, no amount of mental, cerebral, spiritual focus will make things materialize.

Luckily the real secret is actually quite doable

By all means choose a few guides and help books – they are all useful, including ‘The Secret’ which I credit with helping me move from a negative life cycle into the positive one I am now in. BUT don’t get trapped in hoarding how-to books!!! Just use a few, and let them lead you to your own conclusions. 

Trust that you CAN: trust in it being really possible and you will find your locks clicking open. You have to make a definite personal choice to allow that to happen. If you don’t, no amount of reading and coaching will unlock you.

Sign up with a coach: If you can afford it sign up with a coach. And think carefully about how you decide if you can/can’t ‘afford’ it –this is an investment that should enable you to break out of a negative cycle and start to experience success.  I signed up officially for my friend Debra Ross’s coaching sessions – Life by Choice – to help me find the laser focus. I had gotten quite far with various books and mini-coaching sessions, and blogs – Mark McGuinness of Lateral Action blog being the one I have had most really useful help from, he also provides coaching to creative people. BUT, I realized I was not, in my current circumstances, able to make my personal goals happen. Recognizing the need for specialized help is a positive, sound business move.

Clear your inbox clutter! The ‘unsubscribe’ button is your friend!!! How often has your plan to ‘get things done’ disappeared into a crazy-maze of internet surfing initiated by that oh-so-interesting-but-really-is-it-really-useful-e-newsletter? (you can get them back when you really DO have more spare time...)

Now, my ‘Aha’ moment BREAK IT DOWN! Chip, chop, section off, divide and conquer! Break it up into small enough chunks that you can get yourself on the road to a whole life-changing EXPERIENCES OF SUCCESS (Arnold Mol, ‘CreatingWinners in the Workplace’ is a good book even if you are a solopreneur)

Make your goals achievable – mini goals – yes, you (may) have your big goal – you may not, and that’s also ok – don’t build an Iron Curtain for yourself by not doing anything because you can’t figure out your life’s dream/ purpose…it will come as you unlock things for yourself

What's your Target?

Use Project Management Techniques – Goals (the big end result) eg  Success as an artist may be a good goal, but heck! How the hell do you get there? Break it down into steps. Baby steps.

Mine for my first week of Life by Choice coaching is to: Create a workable workspace

This involves

Physically moving just those tools and materials out of my badly messed up studio, into my clear living room – so I can work (leaving the big Iron Curtain of clearing my studio aside for now)

Clearing the mental clutter – writing a list of all the ‘little’ things I have to do – for house, family, colleagues, friends…and ticking them all off one by one by making the conscious choice to do them regularly during my breakfast, lunch and evening. NOTE- do not use up all your rest time – this is a non-negotiable – just do a bit each day in each period and you’ll see how doable it is.

Choose a small selection of my photos to work from. This is also to be done while having a glass of wine on an evening – relaxing…enjoying browsing my photos. BUT I have to do it efficiently – once I have enough to get going, then I…GET GOING! Avoid rolling down another slippery slope to ADD-dom! It is NOT necessary to find absolutely the best, perfect things to work on – that is a fairy tale place! Good enough is exactly what is needed!

 

 

Write one blog a week – well ;) here I am…doing it (and while reminding myself of my goals and objectives)

Now, back to the rest of Project Management: Set your goals, then it’s simple – break them down into (if needed) Objectives – so ‘To become a Successful Artist’ – what are your steps?

Maybe ‘find inspiration’ (pick your voice)

Maybe ‘learn X technique’ (keep it laser-focused…DO NOT derail off to A, F,K and Z techniques too!)

Maybe ‘Hold a mini-exhibition’ NEVER be afraid to show your work and get it out there – you don’t have to achieve greatness all-in-one, but you do have to build it step-by-step and believe in yourself. And a piece of extra advice – do market research at these first showings – it will help you decide how to have your authentic voice and the market be really good profitable friends (I am still on this step btw!)

Ok, next Project Management steps are – BREAK IT DOWN into ACTIVITIES – all the little steps needed to make these Objectives happen – AND note some ways in which you will MEASURE YOUR SUCCESS – real measures – eg 10 paintings completed; 1 exhibition held…

Set timeframes – give each activity a deadline – make it realistic – DO NOT set yourself un-achievably short timeframes – allow yourself to succeed by setting reasonable time-frames. NOTE not lazy ones either – I have chosen WEEKLY GOALS for this reason – I need to see it done and feel the success.

Before I knew of Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ I had made my own wall-stickers saying ‘Do it, then it’s done’ this was long before any self-help books or internet blogs…like me, you DO have what it takes inside you. Believe it, unlock it, do it. Succeed!

End Note: I will be, finally, moving my blog over to Island Effect I do hope you will join me here - please pop over and subscribe there so I can see that you are still going to be with me :) 

I will post a mix of my work as it evolves as well as my journey and things I learn along the way. Also, there'll be places and things that interest me - especially as I set out to be a tourist in my homeland Saint Lucia...so lots of things .... for now, these posts will be in both places

Thank you to all those who share the love and comment here - it is always like a surprise gift!  Comment here or on Island Effect both make me very happy!